With the holiday season upon us and the new year quickly approaching, I thought it appropriate to release my Favorite Things of 2013. Some of you may know that Oprah is a hero of mine, often starting sentences with "Oprah says..." or greeting people with the CCAAAAARRRR VVVOOOOIIIICCEE. And so I have been humbly inspired by Lady O and pray that I do not disappoint. I present: The Brie, Myself, & I Favorite Things 2013.
WaxVac
The WaxVac is everything great about the new millennium. For centuries, mankind has struggled with pesty earwax and its archaic removal techniques. Personally, I've been reduced to going to an urgent care center to have my excessive wax removed due to a lack of quality home solutions. The WaxVac is truly a representation of the evolution of the human race.
House Pants
House pants are engineered from a cotton blend or Good Will-grade polyester, combined with self-loathing or extreme self-acceptance (depending on the wearer's choice of said cotton or polyester). They are designed to provide maximum comfort with minimum style or elegance and will become a Monkey/Pop-Pop staple in 2013.
Dips
A wise man once said "When I dip, you dip, we dip". I think we could all stand to take a cue from Freak Nasty and make dipping a priority in 2013. This Charleston Cheese Dip is my new favorite.
$200 Ice Ball Maker
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| Williams-Sanoma Japanese Ice Maker. Clearly a necessity. |
Because as the fiscal cliff looms, I see no better way to spend my money.
Justin Timberlake Corn Rows Circa 2001
It's been 12 years, which is 13 too long. This fashion statement says "I'm a turd sandwich".
1 comment:
This is hilarious. I'm laughing hysterically. Was that Justin modeling the house pants? Those looked like Salvation Army haute catoure.
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