Breakfast of...participation ribbon recipients

It’s been scientifically proven that variety is, indeed, the spice of life, and nowhere is this more evident than at breakfast.  I rarely eat breakfast on the weekends and weekdays are reserved to a Fiber One bar (the consumption of which, incidentally, is the highlight of my day), so when I do indulge in a real breakfast it’s usually an embarrassment of excess and multiplicity.  

Nothing says gluttonous variety like the breakfast bowl, so recently I summonsed my inner Jabba and created the Uber Gooey Tater Tot Casserole and invited my favorite human garbage disposal Gian to be my guinea pig.

Tater tots, four cheeses, and green onions make it decadent while the spinach makes you feel better about how disgusting you are.

 

Recipe:

1/2 bag of potato crowns or the hashbrown du jour (as the french undoubtedly say)
5 eggs
1/2 cup milk
4 oz cream cheese
2 cups shredded mac and cheese blend cheese (cheddar, american, and swiss)
4 oz turkey sausage
3 or 4 green onions, chopped
1/2 spinach, cooked
1 tsp salt
1 tsp pepper
1/2 tablespoon cajun seasoning
8 crackers

Cook hashbrowns and sausage as the package directed. Then, preheat oven to 375.  In an 8x8 baking dish (if metal spray with cooking spray), add a layer of hash browns (about half) to the bottom.  Then, scramble your eggs and place about half on top of the first layer of hash browns, followed by half of the cooked sausage, half of the shredded cheese, and half of the cooked spinach.  Repeat with the remainder of hashbrowns, eggs, sausage, and spinach (but don't add the cheese yet).

Meanwhile, in a saucepan, heat the milk on medium.  Once the mil starts to steam a bit, then add the cream cheese.  Stir until you reach a smooth, sauce consistency.  Then, add the salt, pepper, cajun seasoning, and about half of the chopped green onion.

Next, pour the mixture over your layered ingredients in the baking dish.  Then, add the remaining shredded cheese and green onions to the top.  Crush your crackers on top.  Bake, uncovered, for 20 minutes.

Cause you're everything (bagel) to me

I have a soft spot in my heart for everything bagels.  One reason is obvious: they're incredibly delicious.  Everything bagels are crunchy, savory, salty; a perfect vehicle for a turkey and havarti sandwich or even just with plain cream cheese.  I love when you toast an everything bagel and the little bits on top get slightly charred, intensifying the sweetness of the onion and crisping up the already crunchy sea salt on its crusty exterior, while warming its fluffy blanket-like innards.

But the most intriguing part of the everything bagel is also what makes it so endearing - the everything bagel is a loner.  It gets quarantined in its own bag; segregated from the other bagels in the baker's dozen.  It wreaks of garlic and permeates through its surroundings like Edward Cullen on a balmy day.

Because of this, most see the everything bagel as the Brian Krakow of baked goods; however, I envision it as more akin to a Jordan Catalano.  I imagine the everything bagel not as one relegated to involuntary confinement and social unacceptance, but rather a brooding, perhaps even rebellious breakfast item.  "Whatever, sometimes I just like to be alone with my thoughts" everything bagel says while sulking chilling in his ultra-private, gated paper bag community.

So it only made sense to combine my benevolence for the everything bagel with my obsession with cheese and made an Everything Bagel Cheese Ball.  It's really more a deconstructed everything bagel.  By mixing all of the familiar "everything" ingredients like garlic, onion, and sea salt, with the cream cheese that would traditionally top the bagel, you're able to get all of that wonderful stank without all of those god-forsaken carbs.

RECIPE:

1 8 oz package of cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons of chives, chopped
1 tablespoon onion powder
1 tablespoon garlic powder
2 tablespoons poppy seeds
2 tablespoons sesame seeds
1 teaspoon sea salt

Combine softened cream cheese with chives, onion powder, and garlic powder and form into a ball.  Wrap the ball in plastic wrap and let chill, about an hour.

Once cream cheese has hardened, combine the poppy seeds, sesame seeds, and see salt on a plate.  Roll the cream cheese ball in the mixture until well covered (add more seeds and salt if you'd like).  Serve cold with bagel chips.

Promises, Promises

Do you ever really pride yourself in something, only to realize later in life that it is, in fact, the one thing at which you consistently fail?  I’d love to say that I pride myself in being a woman of my word.  But I made some promises on my last blog entry that I either am incapable of delivering on, or more accurately, never had intentikns of keeping in the first place.

But I will say this: I tried making cheese.  Twice.  Both times a big, steaming, milky pot of broken dreams.  I can’t figure it out but my mozzarella never turns out.  It’s I’m assuming actually cheese, but it’s crumbly and not really stretchy.   I’ll keep working on it.

In the meantime, the Real Housewives Fantasy League is finally coming to a close.   Jen and I suffered with our draft picks since they were mostly just furniture this season.  Lip-shaped furniture.

Taylor this season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

But the race is still on for Chrissy and Deanna and we’re going to make things interesting with the Reunion show.   Maybe do some impersonations?  I LOVE turtles!

Anyway, I have two awesome recipes that I’ve come up with that I will share via poorly written text and horrendous photography…

How Embarrassing

I have to admit I'm quite ashamed at my lack of posts as of late.  But I do have plenty to talk about.  Here is a preview of some of the awesome things coming up in the next few weeks...

Guest Blog!
Was it business or pleasure?  Who can tell the difference when you're on an exploration of the finest "cultures" in beautiful Italy!  Nicole shares her experience first hand!

Grilled cheese ON cheese 
I've never felt more ill-qualified to write a cheese blog than when Josh sent me another blogger's recipe for grilled cheese on cheese bread.

Adventures in mozz-making
I finally get around to making some homemade mozzarella and boy does hilarity ensue!  I'm only assuming that some zany antics will take place since I haven't actually gotten around to making the cheese yet.
 

Favorite Things 2013

With the holiday season upon us and the new year quickly approaching, I thought it appropriate to release my Favorite Things of 2013.  Some of you may know that Oprah is a hero of mine, often starting sentences with "Oprah says..." or greeting people with the CCAAAAARRRR VVVOOOOIIIICCEE.  And so I have been humbly inspired by Lady O and pray that I do not disappoint.  I present: The Brie, Myself, & I Favorite Things 2013.

WaxVac

The WaxVac is everything great about the new millennium.  For centuries, mankind has struggled with pesty earwax and its archaic removal techniques.  Personally, I've been reduced to going to an urgent care center to have my excessive wax removed due to a lack of quality home solutions.  The WaxVac is truly a representation of the evolution of the human race.

House Pants

House pants are engineered from a cotton blend or Good Will-grade polyester, combined with self-loathing or extreme self-acceptance (depending on the wearer's choice of said cotton or polyester).  They are designed to provide maximum comfort with minimum style or elegance and will become a Monkey/Pop-Pop staple in 2013.

Dips 

A wise man once said "When I dip, you dip, we dip".  I think we could all stand to take a cue from Freak Nasty and make dipping a priority in 2013.   This Charleston Cheese Dip is my new favorite.

$200 Ice Ball Maker

 

Williams-Sanoma Japanese Ice Maker.  Clearly a necessity.



Because as the fiscal cliff looms, I see no better way to spend my money.

Justin Timberlake Corn Rows Circa 2001 

It's been 12 years, which is 13 too long.  This fashion statement says "I'm a turd sandwich".

The most magical place on earth

Sometimes my husband does horrible, horrible things.  I mean, like some Pelican Brief Sleeping With the Enemy type of stuff.  Dastardly deeds!  Like eating one cheez-it out of my perfectly portioned 100 calorie pack, rendering my daily caloric intake virtually meaningless.

But then he surprises me on my birthday with a trip to Disney World, and 88% of it is forgiven.

Recaptured the innocence of youth, experienced unparalleled joy, weather was like basking in the glow and warmth of heavenly light, blah blah blah.  Most importantly: there was a Giordano's within walking distance of the hotel. 

Giordano's is a Chicago institution; supposedly the home of the stuffed pizza for which the city is famous.  We've been to the OG in Chicago, but apparently they've franchised throughout Illinois and Florida.  So we were psyched to have happened upon a location while in Orlando.

Take one look at this picture and you'll know why this joint beats Disney for the Most Magical Place on Earth.

Pump up the jam

After some tremendous soul searching and completely objective evaluation of my self-worth, I've realized that I am very dumb.  I finally figured out how to efficiantly efficiently (thank you Swan for pointing on the authenticity of my blog, being that I truly am as dumb as I describe) put pictures on this blog and deliver entertainment to the masses (i.e. my four cherished members).  I've had to take the pics on my cell phone because I was way too lazy to jump through the hoops between my camera's WiFi - to Facebook - to iPad set-up.  So just deal with these horrible pictures.

To follow-up on that much-anticipated teaser from my last blog, I gots to talk about cheese and jam/sauce pairings.  I few weeks ago our friends Jake and Meredith came down to visit from NYC.  Since we're all pretty big wine enthusiasts and we were looking for some place relatively casual to get a light dinner, we took them to Chesapeake Wine Company in Canton.  This place has got it all figured out.  It's a wine shop with, no kidding, like five tables and they're always filled leading you to think this is a busy joint.  They only serve cheese, some charcuterie, and a handful of items than can be popped in a toaster oven behind the bar (I assume it's a Sonja Home toaster oven).  Chesapeake is the very definition of a Baltimore City gem.

While there, we sampled a couple of the cheeses from their changing selection.  We tried (shocker) the brie and some kind of aged white cheddar that I never caught the name of.  To accompany all of their cheeses, CWC serves a pile of crostini and some dried figs.  Maybe they're candied?  It doesn't matter, they're just really good.  One of my favorite things about Poppy, Jake, and Meredith is that they don't like dried figs...

I feel like sweet dried fruits and jams go pretty well with both sharp cheeses and semi-soft cheeses, like cheddar and brie, respectively.  I tend to prefer crumbly cheeses, smoked cheeses (mmm smoked gouda), and a lot of the Italian cheeses like parmesan, mozzarella, and asiago paired with more savory condiments like herbed crackers, bacon or prosciutto, and olives.

While my all-time favorite brie pairing is with a seedy raspberry jam (the seeds that get stuck in my teeth double as a snack for later!), I recently decided to try something new.  I was inspired by a Kahlua baked brie recipe I saw on Pinterest and, with a little help from my sister Nicole, made a Frangelico Baked Brie en Croute.

We were having a kiki at her house and made a bunch of snacks to compliment the fine 2012 Sparkletini Nicole carefully selected for the evening.  I made a glaze out of Frangelico hazelnut liquer, chopped hazelnuts, and brown sugar.  Just drizzle it over the top of the brie and wrap that beast in puff pastry.  It was pretty good, but I encourage Nicole to provide a more eloquent commentary on the merits of using Frangelico over raspberry and almond.

Here's the recipe and crappy picture to accompany it.

1 Puff Pastry sheet
1 8 oz wheel of brie
1/4 cup chopped hazelnuts
1/4 cup brown sugar
3 tablespoons Frangelico
Pepperidge Farms Wheat crackers are the best for this.  Don't question it.

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Defrost one puff pastry sheet according to directions on the box.  In a bowl, mix together the hazelnuts, brown sugar and Frangelico and let chill in the fridge for about 30 minutes.  Slice the rind off the top of the brie and lay on top of the puff pastry sheet.  Then, top the brie with the hazelnut mixture and fold the puff pastry over top the brie.  If you find you have too much excess puff pastry after folding, just cut some off and bake it along side the brie en croute - you can use it for dipping in your cheese later!  Bake for 25 minutes or until golden brown.  If you want, you can always use an eggwash on the pastry prior to baking to give it that golden, shiny exterior.  Me - I didn't want to waste the egg.

If you look carefully, you can see the real bits of friendship in there

Disregard that little piece of foil on the brie.  It, surprisingly, does not add any flavor

So friends, what is your favorite cheese and jam/condiment combination?